Puzzle-d

Can you please,

Fit the Missing

Piece in me?

why do i always seem stranded in a wrong place, but its at the right position. why do i always think of dying but wanna stay alive.. have i really seen enough or had enough.. tonnes of question been going thru running thru sinking thru my mind..i can even feel that my soul gonna forsake me as well..sometimes i feel my heartbeat isnt a heartbeat.. the more my heart beats, the slower my heart breathe.. i am still standing strong, still rowing the boat, still climbing mountain but when i fall, when i sank and when i drop.. who is there to catch me? i know.... i think i have the feeling already.. when i'm falling the time will intend to become slower... and that point probably i think death is catching me.. 1 moment 1 time 1 word 1 sentense 1 meaning means -0 progress.. is the world and truth challenging me or i'm just having a bull fight with myself? since last time i have this thing with me.. why is it that every shit on the world always happening it on me.. why is it? what have i done? can you tell me? what have i say? can you remind me? what have i show can you reply it? the only thing i can do is? repent and wanting you to give me just another slight chance.. i can stand so high yet its still low. when i'm around a million ppl.. you are the only 1 seem to have colours.. when i'm with you my heart just stop because i believe this is the moment that i actually wanted.. call me text me whisper it on me or even use white lies on me.. it will put a smile on me,you are always forgiven for the mistake you did. because i know you have a reason.. but how long will you do it? do you intend to continue? all i'm trying to do is fit in you..you gotta tell me what is wrong, what is right, what you like or what you dislike.. i'm actually out of words i'm too upset i'm too down i'm too moody and i'm too dead..

i call out the god in heaven, Lord, can you guide me? its cold and hard here its like i have no where to go.. is there any way you can teach me? He glance off and doenst look back, he pretends he can't hear me.. now i'm even more stranded.. i sitting by the edge of the empty cold dark room.. with wind breezing thru my hair. still wondering how can she turn her back on me. do you remember when i gave you 3 wishes.. do you remember we build the memory wall? when i wrote Carlston and Liyen Novel? remember we'd be up all night to tease each other.. talking till the morning sun light... i tell you baby i know whats going thru your mind, but its not what you think it is.. do you remember when i walk on the cloud and i still hold you to keep you safe, to dance with you.. do you remember you made me took my 1st step on the moon.. you ask me why do i still love you and want you? the answer is you.. its because you are who you are and that attracted me, the ol' liyen the sweet and cutie that i asked for the piano book, the way i looked at you its like me looking thru the sun round eclipse.. remember we used to laugh and say noone understood our ways?

babe just remember i'm there to shelter your pain,

dont say i should't have to,

its because i want to share everything with you

but not you ! love love

love is just an opposite of two tears.

23/08/08 6:12-am

Moment of Truth

garbage-ed

Lost
And
Found
.....
And
Missing

Sometimes i wonder if its me or whom that pushing the pressure on me, holding me tightly. i feel so heavy feel so useless it feels like i can't do anything.. besides wondering.. but i really wish that its about me and not you, because i wouldnt want to accept the fact if thats the real fact i'm thinking. i have been thinking a lot and a lot and a lot and even more. but it doenst seem to find the right answer. rainbow have missing colours too why can't i have my own missing thoughts. found love, love threw me away. found you, you pushing me away. you have no idea how bad i went thru when i actually found it, it wasnt just a spear pierce thru.. its like a smashing hammer focusing on my heart.. its not like a thousand needles, its like a drowning heart. its not a burning torture, but a suffocate caused.. i see 4 walls, i see sea, i see time, i see sky, i see clouds. i see you, i see him, i see you, it killed me. no matter how loud is your action compare to words, but it seems like there is something puppet-ing you. you, you are not you. i've been hanging on a 8 strings above me.. head,arm,feet,fingers,knee,elbow,lips and mouth. but but but, i still have tears, broken heart, love, feelings, memories, flash back, frowning and begging, how can this happen? when something is controlling me but i can't control my own feelings, my own moment made me tears because of broken heart when i love you with all the best feelings with memories and when it flash back i'm frowning and begging you for another chance. every night i'm wondering what are you doing, will you call me or if i call you will i be disturbing you. when i see your name with your picture appear on my phone i'll just jump around my heart beats faster than rhythm, laughing-ly answer you calls, happily replying your msges. i wonder whats so special about it? its only a normal text and normal phone call, but what made me realise was, i actually feel in love with you already.. and now i'm actually smiling. time is all i have to deal with now. you dont know how badly i would wish to see you, go wherever you'll be, mixing around with your friends, laughters, moments and of course being together. i know it'll make you smile too. and you know i will do whatever is it to just put even a slight giggle on you, your tears i will wipe, your frown i will overturn it, but never never never never ever forsake me, if you do, its just another lost heart that will have to find it with time...

obsession for miracle

recently perhaps.

If This Is "Called"
The Road of Journey to you
I will walk till the end of time
For You "Yen"

There are times at the beginning of the relationship is hard, but if its wasnt hard how is it gonna become easy at the end? i know its hard for me to accept but i've learn how to take it in myself. It cause Its "You" that i dont wannt just stop like how others did, you know i am the man with my words that i will held in promises, if promises if meant to break then i've broke my promise to you about me walking on our own path, You know that i've changed so much, seen too many, felt till deep inside and Held you in my arms, and since i've felt it i love it and i will do it once again to hold you in my heard instead. (: you never know how much i can talk about us or story bout us. Baby girl you know when i'm with you its just so different, its just so unique, its just so special and i am looking forward, whatever i've told you. i mean it. love you, miss you, need you, wanting you and of course not forgetting about you. you may not see it physically because you know i like keeping it to myself as i dont want to see you shed tears or pain with me, but i wanna seek your pain and tears together.. as i prove to you that i am there for you however,no matter and whenever. baby its not just simple but pure lovely sweetie... moment and moment, time and time i know everything will ease and fade.. as i have act like an idiot and being a fool.. but you know i dont mean it. you know i have my own reason, i always have thoughts which is negative but that actually prove to myself that i am true to you. if i have ever lied to you.. i wanna repent it with my love to you, i dare to walk this far, take this step, leap this feeling i wanna love you more and more , i wanna risk my love my life my moment my time and my half for you. my left over time will be spending it with you. whats mine is your and what yours is definitely ours (:: as we started to write this novel this love letter this romantic story, i wanna end it with "Happy Ever After" at the end. flowers bloom, leaf drops, fruits grow, rain ticks, wind blow and my love develop. honey may be sweet, honey may be sour. but my words is only sweet to you, when you shed tears - my heart stop, when you break down - my soul lost, when you say sorry - my mind blanked.. that is why i want to only see you smile, laugh, and tears - of - joy. stars blink, moon shaped, sun shine, i rise. everytime i say the 3 words i put my feeling and heart in it, its not a simple word... i love you babe.. best thing that happen to me is knowing you. best memory that i kept is definitely everything gotta do with you.. you,family,friends,future. without those i am just a Lost boy in photograph. you made me imperfect - perfection. if i have another chance, i would keep it for you.. (:

Impossible Possible Impossible, (: love you bern bern..

if only...

if i had to hold on my one last breath
i'll save it and spill it to you saying
I LOVE YOU

i hold on very strong on my love, you know i can't stay long even i try very hard, all i wanted to say was, i love you and i am not afraid. can't you feel me in your arms? holding my last breath.. sweet raptured light it has to end sooner or later, and i know i'll miss the winter, i'll miss the moment, i'll miss the memories and i definitely know i'll miss you. no amount of time, no heaps of comforting words, not even divine explanations has helped to easy my eternal pain, i'm tied to heart ache and blind folded by third party. it hurts so much as i cherish you, even your sweet loving smile, your roaring laughter, your wisely wits and the precious time we were together sharing our dreams, i love you so much and miss you every moment of day and time. i have and i'm still loving you is my greatest joy, but then to part from you was my greatest sorrow, some day in time i know when i meet you i'll remain silent, that day we will not know when but i will clasp my hand in god's presence and never be part again. i can't even stand a single inch away from you. by this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

Love one another,
as i have loved you. <3

Tear Drops/Rain Falls

Do what makes you happy,
Be with who makes you smile,
laugh as much as you breathe,
and love as much as you live.

i'm sitting here with only dusk and echo surrounding me in this room, i'm feeling cold i'm feeling hot, i find myself stuck'd between the world of confuse and the world of fact.. neither here or there hanging in the balance of transition. awaiting for the moment to come. the symbol of the moment is stuck in meet that i know it will be with me from now till forever, sadness filled my soul,my spirit depressed and yet at the same time i can't be happy nor sad as long as she is just smiling. Guilt does nothing but destry, whether it is put upon us, or we heap it upon ourselves, it destroys anything and everything good that we formerly believed bout ourselves or someone else. guild can destroy our self esteem and our relationships with others, " i am sorry " sometimes we may put off or neglect to forgive ourselves because to do so we need to face up to something that we have done even though what we did was not wrong. however if you need forgivenss mustn't that mean you really mess it up. it means you are letting yourself off of the hook for something that you have led yourself to believe was bad or wrong. if it was apologize and make amends, if it wasnt or even if it was forgive yourself as well. i have often apologized to others when it was called for in a very genuine way. but the steps that i often missed was apologizing to myself, for condemning or damning for shaming myself. i have had to give myself forgiveness that creates so much damage to out souls, to believ ethat others are worth of forgiveness but not myself. it was me that made you this way, going this thru with me. it was all me in the start, now it ended with a tears and back facing one another. each drops of tears has a meaning to the one that lets go, i see the pictured that i held in my heart is already dried by the ache, the smile the kisses the touch'd and even the laughter is taken over by the shattered broken pieces heart, i remember the image that i carried in me that makes me worry bout i dont know how to treasure it, in fact i've failed keeping it nicely. everyday when i wake up i opened my eyes the only thing i look first is my phone to see if you called or even drop a msg, that would actually make my day and forget my nightmare, during the noon a msg saying if i had my lunch or even ask bout my morning, that would actually make me smile for the whole day and not worry bout whats gonna happen at the night, during the night a good night msg and a sweet dreams tone would probably consider me having the dream come true. i believe love is true, love is reality and love hits on us and i believe love is a magical thing that makes life great. love can also harm and make us fall to the ground, someone who could be true is the one we know that we can give our 100 percent love to, and i've already given you my 100 percent perfect love. my 1st dream is you and my other dream is also you. looking to the end of the rose-filled aisle i'm lonely, i'm insecure my thoughts blocked my mouth but darkness will never let go behind the false smiles stuck in the dark. i pray and pray and pray and pray. what i pray is not letting me off this black room but i pray for your happiness and health. if i have 100 wishes all my wish would be to you only seeing you in good life makes me a good life too. if only you could hear from being apart till now i'm living the way i used to. but the pain is spreading and the time does not listen. please lock the memory and all i wan to say is i love you

You know who you are, Focus on that
Other people will see that eventually

ell-oh-vee-eee

Theres no place i'd rather be
Than right here with you.

sometimes you might think that you'll be happier alone... but it's always nice to have someone to laze around with. someone that think bout loving you and being loved, someone to care about you, someone to share you joy, someone to build the love book, someone to shed your tears, someone to hold your back, someone to lend his shoulder to, someone to comfort you, someone to tell you that everything will be fine.. so take a chance. you'll know what you will get until you really tried. so if there's somebody you miss tell them that you do cause there's someone only love can do. these strong powerful words will turn his shattered heart to a pure fine perfect heart. not everyone will hurt you, not everyone will be like that person that is worth your time and laughter, think bout the happy moment you have and think bout the sad one that doesn't make sense. baby, damn you mean so much to me don't ask me to walk away or asking me to face my back on you when you needed someone there, you are important so am i, without you i can't go thru the path i'm taking i need your support i need your time i need you and definitely your true love. when i say i'm in pain that doesn't mean you hurt me. when i'm sad when i'm down or moody worst to worst lonely, you always be there for me by my side, telling me everything is alright too. like what i've said to you. your lips speak soft sweetness your touch a cool cares i am lost in your magic and i hope your heart will beats the same as mine, i am forever yours to hold forever yours alone for no one can take your place, i think of you each morning i dream of you each night i think of your person being around me and our love will last a life i promise. i want it to be inconvenient, i wan to sacrifice my life for it, i wan that kind of love that wakes me up whenever i hear the ring or msg of my phone in the middle of the night or the worst time of the day, i wan love that hurts that show me that its really love, love that i have to work so hard for, i wan love that tests me i wan the kind of love that is hard to find, and hard to keep and never easy. i want the kind of love where i can only remember happy times. i want love that makes me tears and i wan to hold on even if it takes me through my worst nightmare. but most of all i wan is the kind of love that worth it. baby you worth every word i mean. hmmm while i had you i fell asleep with a gentle smile on my face, before i lost you i worried myself to sleep now that i know you have made your mind i sit up at night waiting for you to come back. i love the way you look while you sleep when you are holding my hand.. if i have only 1 wish, that would be to meet you 5 years ago, that way i could have moe time to love you more. for once in my life i can say i truly love someone with every fiber of my heart. i would walk to the end of the each for just a smile from your sweet lips or just one last touch of your skin. i prayed to god for someone that i could truly love with my all and love me back the same way. then on a rainy night you came to me when i was lost you became my guiding light that has taken me out of darkness.. i have really reach a new level of love that i never knew it existed. to love you is to lose all life, hope and dreams. little dreams is always fun and a little risk is always someone we will respect. promises is something we held tight in our mind and heart coz its the promise we made to our love 1. to take a breath with out you in my life would be a waste of effort and time. hold you close in my arms every night and keep you safe warm and dry, letting you lean over my chest and listen to my heart beats for you is tough but i can make it for you. we'll look up and count the stars, making a weird shape, naming it as our wish and when we are far miles apart that stars represent us together forever and ever. i can only offer you my love, commitment, faith and loyalty that would never fade of die, my heart is fragile yet i'll use every broken pieces to love you still.. i am just sorry i did not find you earlier. babe, i am sorry.

writing this out really makes me think twice to publish it, but i've made my mind i am happy to put it out... because i am serious...

Baby, the moment that tries to make us stop.
will only make us stronger.

colour blind

Lost
'n'
Found

Recently a serious of incidents has happened to my life, and i thought i have lost all the laughter and happiness that used to be around me. luckily there is this person, it has been putting in so much effort in holding me up and pulling my confidence and hope back together and that person is YOU, Sometimes i think you are harsh at time and being very silly and have meeting behind each words but to me you are like ONE and ONLY person i see in colour, and during the time, moment, past, present, events, occasions and time after time you will encourage me, making me strong.. holding me up with only words, but at the same time you could make me fall and dont wanna get up with words too. just like before i'm down, depressed, frustration and totally moody you used those words to put a smile, forget everything, laugh at our silliness and made me someone. to some ppl its only words but to me its content is love, from now on i wish to receive this words every year, months.. no actually i prefer daily. because i know YOU and this strength of words it will being me happiness and moment. trust me it will. My voice suddenly chokes and i can't say my intentions.. tears slowly accumulate and i've lost the ability to even walk, do you really wanna see me crawl? in my line of sight you've already walk'd far away, without the strength to urge you not to leave, my shout is already drowning in tears with this ending =( i've never let you feel happiness before, i am sorry.. forgive the crazy stubbornness in my heart. sometime at times i really wanna be colourblind and see if you are the only 1 i see in colours or when you are around me i see everything beautifully with colours, holding you nxt to me is like holding an angel that whisper to my ear every night for the sweetest dreams. and wishing up upon the stars and moon to protect me from nightmare and make the sleep tight.. thats your power thats your strength and thats the power of something magical. with that touched of your fingers on my face could freeze the tears that going down my face.. with that smile that you smiled at me would make me feel safe and with the touch'd of your kiss on mine give me the reason to love. the reason to trust. the reason to hold you forever. number is just numbering and words is just playing across each other but without words and number i wont be able to say i love you for uncountable times. thats the only way i put number aside i guess. hold me and never let go. this feeling inside me is fighting strong, this trust and effort i'm putting in you is developing high, this love i'm giving you is INVULNERABLE.

You = Kathrine

You Made My Night Bright
You Made My Morning Special
You Made The Rain According To My Feelings
And You've Made Me, Me.